EVEN WHEN MY DECISIONS WERE RIDICULOUS...
Mum and Dad always stood by me
I REFER to the letters by Ms Maria Loh ('Don't kill love for learning'; ST, Feb 3) and Ms Lena Soh ('Every child is gifted, tap his potential'; ST, Feb 3).
I am a final-year arts undergraduate at the National University of Singapore who was brought up a little differently from my peers.
My parents are considered strict by general standards. One's a nurse, the other was serving the army for the longest time. I always felt I had two disciplinary masters at home.
However, my parents allowed me to learn whatever I wanted as a child. Whatever I had an interest in, be it swimming, art and craft or electronic keyboard, I was given the chance to pick it up, even if the cost was hefty. They might grumble, but then they gave me the money.
Whenever my interest in something waned, like when I decided learning the organ was not too interesting after I passed my Grade 2 exam, they allowed me to stop. While they resented wasting money and ticked me off for giving up too easily, they understood that a passion for something can only be sustained by an interest in it.
They did not start me on tuition until they saw the need for it, such as when a school teacher called them up and said my Chinese was beyond redemption or when I got a red mark for mathematics on my report card.
Likewise, they stopped the tuition whenever I wanted out, or when my grades improved enough to make my Chinese teacher withdraw her 'beyond redemption' remark.
They left me on my own to study from Primary 5 onwards. They could tell I was self-motivated. They drove me to bookstores, gave me a budget and let me pick out the assessment books myself.
Of course, I did not finish them all, but because I chose them myself, they held my attention and commitment longer than usual. After a while, they even left the answer sheets behind and let me mark my books on my own. I had their trust.
They never interfered with my decisions, such as what subjects to take and which junior college to go to, nor my subsequent decision to reside in the students' hostel at university for four years even though the campus is a 10-minute bus ride away.
To them, my decisions at times were ridiculous, and the financial strain on them was apparent. They offered advice and voiced their unhappiness but still they supported me.
They had to endure my constant requests to go travelling and when they could give me the money to do so, they would. One day, when they could not, my dad decided it was time to upgrade the home computer to wireless broadband, so that the family could surf the Net and find out about the world from the comfort of home.
Today, I am an above-average student working for an honours degree in Geography, specialising in tourism studies because I had grown to love travelling and exploring various parts of the world since Dad took me to Brunei on my first trip at five when he had to lead an army team there.
My thesis is on backpacker tourism, a natural choice as I started backpacking with my friends at age 20.
Because I had learnt whatever I wanted to learn when I was young, I can play any song I hear on the piano, teach children handicraft, swim well enough to not drown, sing (I joined the choir in secondary school) and take part in sports (joined the athletics team in junior college).
I was never the star runner or the champion, sometimes very far from it, but I followed my heart and I have no regrets.
One day, if I do not get a job, I will print my namecard, stating my profession as 'Jane of all trades, Mistress of none'.
I may or may not make it big. Either way, I will survive. And I will be happy doing what I am doing. I have had my share of failure and learnt that some of my decisions were indeed ridiculous, and that maybe it was true that Mum and Dad always knew best.
Either way, whether I succeeded or failed, I discovered the joy of learning new things and letting go when it was time to do so.
When asked about my hobbies in any conversation or interview, I always reply: 'My hobby is to pick up new hobbies on an annual basis.'
Last year, I learnt to play the drums for two months, giving up when I realised I would never be good enough to play for my church band. I picked up the guitar, and I can play well enough to sing some fellowship songs with close friends.
This year, I am going on more backpacking trips. My parents cannot bear to see me travel this way and are clearly worried, but I need to backpack to complete my research. They told me that if I could not get enough research funds, they would top up the rest. That's what I mean by support.
I do not think I am qualified to teach people older than me how to raise their children. But I knew I had a story to share, and I believe my story might just change some Singaporeans' perception on how a child should be brought up in a society like ours.
I am sure there's no hard and fast rule. I am the product of my upbringing, and I will always be thankful to my parents. My parents found their balance; I hope you find yours too.
SANDRA LEONG SWEET EE (MISS)
